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How
to Assemble A Snow Shovel
when
(you can't find all the parts)
For Best Results: Sautee
for five minutes in garlic butter and add a slice of lemon.
The snow clouds approach your haven of stress and
you don't want to get sued for non-shovelization within five minutes of a storm.
Last year's snow shovel went the way of your sweepstakes check and you just
bought the first thing you found in a pinch. What to do? Listen
closely as Mrs. Brain apprises you of the best procedure to follow in snow
shovel assembly.
Materials Needed:
stick pole
scoop
sandpaper
sidewalk
long sleeves
STEP 1:
Open package. This works best if you peel tape from the left
side. Don't ask why, because that hinders the vibes in the snow shovel
universe. You wouldn't want to hinder vibes would you? Pull the tape
from the left, and count to three. One . . . . two . . . . well, you
almost made it. The vibes are now mad.
Note to self: : Why me?
STEP 2:
Take stick pole in both hands and stand on end. Spin on screw end
until it leans to one side. The direction it leans first is where you
stand before continuing the assembly process.
Note to self: : Don't
stand on the stick.
STEP 3:
Anchor the long side of the shovel scoop in the crack of the sidewalk.
It won't break your mother's back, at least I don't think so. Pick up the
stick pole and place the screw end in the hole at the apex of the narrow end of
the scoop.
Note to self: You do know where the apex is, don't you?
STEP 4
Grab
handle by the loop. Polish it to a high shine with your sleeve.
Point the other end of the handle into the end of the stickpole opposite from
where the stickpole is now attached to the scoop. Pump vigorously until
handle gets sucked into place.
Note to self: : Take
that!
STEP 5:
 Check durability by testing newly assembled snow shovel against that
pile of rocks. If you throw out your back before the shovel breaks, it is
properly assembled.
Note to self:
Never
buy a snow shovel from a toy store.
Now you are prepared for the snow clouds to dump their frozen
flakes upon your residence. When you finish your walks come to my house.
My snow shovel broke. | 
Scatterbrain Shoveling