"We're coming to you live from Saladania."

"With King Fry . . . "

" . . . and good ole Hash Brown."

"Good to see you Fry."

"Good to see Celery Stalk's in that dress.  How does she walk in them shoes."

Ms. Stalk took the mike on cue.  "Now approaching center Platter," she paused.  The arrangement around the table hushed.  All the vegetables' leaves crisped with anticipation.  "It's Super Crisp and the Dancing Mushrooms!"

The music blared with carrotatic rhythm.  The hip wrestler Super Crisp high stepped with his snappy moves, follwed by three dancing mushrooms in neon fungal bikinis.

"Look at those mushrooms, Hash."

"I like the one in yellow.  That green will blind ya."

"I like the green."

"You like the bikini, King."

"That's true."

The music of Squashing Grapes overcame their conversation.  The announcer's voice tantalized the table again, "and his opponent, Produce Wrestling Champion of the Table:  The wind Whisk Watermelon!"

Wind Whisk Watermelon shook the walkway as he swayed from side to side, squashing a path toward the platter.  A third of the audience began to hiss and throw seeds.  Others waved signs "Mush the Melon!"  "Watermelon Wins Here!"  "I love THE MELON!"  Wind Whisk jumped on the platter.  Super Crisp and The Melon circled the ring.  The Melon seed Super Crisp on his left carrot and the fork hit the goblet.  Thumps sounded across the platter and Super Crisp attempted to prepare his "peanut butter" on The Melon.  Before he could slam the sticky, The Melon "plasticbagged" him and went for the pin.  The tallest mushroom reached over the edge of the platter and knocked The Melon with a cup.

"Look at that!  She conked The Melon.  No interference now."  Hash shook his head in disbelief.  The Melon released Super Crisp and attacked the mushroom in retaliation.  The other two mushrooms jummped in and the four slammed on the table in a free for all.  Meanwhile Super Crisp sat up on the platter in a daze.

Another theme blasted the speakers and shook the table.  The Pumpkin Show rolled down to the table and pulled the mushrooms from The Melon.  Today he had dressed as the Green Lettuce, and his wig of leaves flew about his stem.  He grabbed The Melon around his middle and pulled him onto the platter.  They rolled around while Super Crisp danced on the rim, anxious for a chance to jab either one.

One of the mushrooms grabbed the Big Twisty and gashed a hole in The Melon's rind.  He lay unconscious, and The Pumpkin Show went for Super Crisp.  He lodged his stem strategically under Super Crisp's root and pinned him before Super Crisp could move.  He grabbed the orange bikinied mushroom and the Big Twisty, then ran back toward the refregerator, chased by Super Crisp and The Melon.

"Look at that, King.  Pumpkin Show nabbed a mushroom.  There he goes.  Super Crisp and The Melon can't figure out what happened.  What do you think of that?"

"Well Hash, it's just another match in Platter Days Wrestling.  Who's up next?"

© 2000